I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
