At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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