I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
we're making bets on your personal life
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
