He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
why do cheetos always look like penises
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
