Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Randomize
