I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
