She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
