it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize