Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
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