Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Randomize
