She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
