What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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