allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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