Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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