I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize