Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
