I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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