i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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