why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
