Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize