and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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