Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
