just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
