Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
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