I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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