I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
sex in a hospital.. check
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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