Tell her she can't have a vagina
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
