Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
