That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
