i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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