i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Randomize
