he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Come on in and take your pants off
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