I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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