Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Randomize
