Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
