new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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