I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
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