Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
