My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
