all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
