Just cropdusted the office
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Randomize
