actually, I'm a sock model
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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