I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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