If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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