I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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