when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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