They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
