your thong is hanging out like whoa
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Randomize
