Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
