opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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