i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
