There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
She's not a foreskin expert like you
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
