she woke up with a sticky ear
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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