Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
