every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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