operation have a gay friend backfired
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
