cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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