okay pat passed out under dana's car
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
