Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
