dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
