he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Randomize
