Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
