you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
