i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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