the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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