Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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