i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
