Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
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