Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Randomize
