i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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