She's JV to your varsity
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
