I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
