the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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