why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
