Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
