Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
