butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
